It would seem the IPL is never shorn of controversy, even when it does things in the game’s best interests. A group of the tournament’s ardent supporters, INDIans COMplaining Mainly Against Non DLFMaximum Overs – INDICOMMANDO for short) have come out in massive protest against the tournament’s ‘boring’ nature so far.

Said INDICOMMANDO spokesperson, who referred to himself as six_master: “Abe yaar… The run rate so far in the tournament this year is less than 7 yaar! Yeh IPL hai ki Test match?” He is not alone in his frustration. Millions of cricket devotees, sitting on their bean bags and eating pizza, dying to see yet another ‘maximum’, have been disappointed. “Me and a group of friends were watching Pune vs Punjab… And we had this plan of playing the drinking game – one shot of whisky every time someone hit a six. Yaar and two sixes were hit in the full match… Bloody we were all sober, we had to watch highlights of Brendon McCullum‘s and Paul Valthaty’s innings on YouTube to finish our bottles!”

Apparently, the tournament’s decision to go with bowler-friendly pitches has not gone down well with the savage six-seeking audience. “Boss listen, for 5-wickets and hattrick and all, there are other forms of the game. What’s this rubbish focus on economy rate? What is this, the 1970s?,” thundered another passionate INDICOMMANDO.

Popularly criticized for having ruined young batsmen’s techniques across India, the leading cricket tournament has made a concerted effort to make the game more balanced, and hence win back the critics.

“But clearly, critics are too niche a market”, said someone from SETMax, on condition of anonymity. “I mean, we’ve calculated that when the average run rate goes down by 1, you get 50 critics happy, but lose out on a viewership of 5 lakhs. I think we need to relook at this whole thing… What’s the point losing so much viewership just so that some old fogey can write happy columns in newspapers which nobody reads in any case?”

IPL honchos are confused. “First they say they want sixes, we give them that. Then they say bowlers are being ignored, so we fix that. Now they are again saying that the matches are boring – what is this nonsense!,” said CEO Sundar Raman, while drafting a tender for ‘Official Complaints Sponsor’.

But all is not bleak. Says an optimist within the INDICOMMANDO, “Well, at least since so few sixes are being hit, we don’t get to hear Danny Morrison yell ‘YES BANK MAXIMUM’ so much.”

DISCLAIMER – This is a satire, and should be taken in jest.

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